


Realignment

by spoke



Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-19
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-27 02:22:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/973155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoke/pseuds/spoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks to my beta, HopefulNebula, for reassurance when I was nitpicking myself to death, and for catching a typo I managed to miss in spite of that. <3  Any remaining mistakes are all me!</p>
    </blockquote>





	Realignment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gatsbyparty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gatsbyparty/gifts).



> Thanks to my beta, HopefulNebula, for reassurance when I was nitpicking myself to death, and for catching a typo I managed to miss in spite of that. <3 Any remaining mistakes are all me!

One of the things that's hard to get used to, as they grow up, is how frustrating it is for one of them to be awake when the other wants to be asleep. The teachers seem sort of gently amused, for the most part, because daemons are what they are once they've settled. Adapting to that was just part of growing up. Anyone who criticised them, she mostly just ignored, because it was pure spite and ugliness and they'd seen quite enough of that.

She knew it could've been worse, too, because she remembered the sailor's dolphin, always tied to the sea. Not to mention they had a teacher with an owl, who of course only taught evening classes.

At least she and Pan could separate if they wanted, though it hadn't seen much practical use yet - she couldn't exactly go leaving him to sleep while she went to classes, not and keep the secret. So lugging him about when he was too sleepy to keep up it was, and if she teased him he could've picked something lighter, he could tease right back that she clearly needed the exercise.

Where it really got aggravating was the evening, and moving on into night. Because as Pantalaimon began to wake up, so of course did she, even though they both knew she'd be needing to go to bed sooner than either one of them preferred. There was the small mercy of her room opening out onto the roof, and Pan could slip out in the dark, of course, as long as he was careful not to be seen. But it was always a danger, and Lyra preferred going with him unless she was too sleepy.

They'd seen Dame Cross out at night, too, with Arrats swooping around her, and they couldn't imagine how he got enough to eat at first - until they'd seen her sitting on a bench as still as could be, waiting until things got used to her being there and Arrats could strike. It had been kind of eerie, to be honest, and they'd neither of them stayed out anywhere near those two after the first time.

Mercifully, there was space enough and then some so that neither pair had to intrude on the other, because Lyra was pretty certain that she knew they were slipping out and just... understood, for her own part, Lyra's need to explore the night with Pan.

So they'd slip out, sometimes splitting up to evade any porters that might catch them, and reveling in actually getting to use their power of separation, and once they were clear they could just explore. The world was a wildly different place at night, and not nearly as quiet as they'd thought before Pan settled. Even in a place like Oxford, there were plenty of living things that only came awake at night, starting with the bats that'd fill the sky briefly as thick as birds. Then there were birds that woke at night too, mostly owls but they'd seen a few others, and little scurrying things that they weren't sure they should get too close to.

Who knew what might turn out poisonous, after all. Or unexpectedly ferocious, come to that. One of the things all their traveling had taught them was that they didn't know half as much as Lyra used to think. Pan was occasionally smug on the subject, but never terribly so. 

That went on for, oh months at least, until one evening as they made for the road, and Arrats landed on a branch right in front of them. He was so silent even Pan hadn't heard him coming, and Lyra actually squeaked a little. "Lucy would like to speak, if you wouldn't mind." The owl said, his voice an expectedly soft whisper, coming out of that hooked beak.

"All right." Lyra whispered back, and they followed the gliding ghost of a daemon, a bit nervous that they might be in trouble, even though that wouldn't make sense after all this time.

When they got to the bench, Dame Cross looked up and smiled faintly. "Come sit down a moment, child. Have you been careful, exploring?"

Lyra nodded, scooping Pan into her lap as she sat, and nudging him for staring so intently. "Pan, it's all right."

Dame Cross surprised her by laughing. "It's all right. Arrats and I make quite a few people nervous. I think it comes from having a daemon that would eat many of theirs, if they were the animals they appear. "

Lyra frowned at that, and tossed her hair. "No daemon would eat somebody else's, though. That's just stupid." Pan chirred in agreement, but she did notice that he was keeping an eye on Arrats just the same.

"Not stupid so much as instinctive, I think. There are things we can't help reacting to, as we see them, whether we know they are that thing or not. Surely you've noticed some of the girls are a bit wary of Pantalaimon?"

"Well, yes, but all of them are just a bit ...timid." Lyra paused for a moment, thinking. "They've all got pretty small daemons, though. Some mice and a couple chickens and one girl actually has a frog."

Pan nodded, looking up at Lyra. "It's kind of a pretty frog, really, but it's so small. And sometimes I do feel just a bit like taking a swipe at it." He shrugged, ever so slightly guilty, and settled in closer to Lyra.

The soft whisper of a laugh came from Arrats, and his voice seemed to float down to them. "Which you learn to ignore, because you can't go around jumping each other like you might as children. But the instincts remain, and are generally good ones. Some people behave decently; some people behave as if they are the animal the daemon represents; and some humans are worse than the animal ever would be, and their daemons with them."

Lyra frowned, but before she could think of any way to argue about that, or even why she wanted to argue except that it seemed too harsh, Dame Cross was speaking again. "The thing is that you shouldn't let it bother you, Lyra dear. Because we are what they are, and while you can try to get along with others, and make them comfortable with you, you can't make them change who they are, any more than they can or should change you."

Which set Lyra thinking about some arguments she'd heard earlier, and other things she'd been putting out of her mind in order to focus on studying. If some people didn't like Pan, that was their problem. "I think I see what you're getting at, Dame Cross, and I do appreciate the advice. I just don't think anyone's going to be changing my mind about much of anything."

For a moment, as she smiled, Lyra could imagine what her teacher had been like when she was younger, and it reminded her just a little bit of Mary. "Good. As long as you've got that clear, I shouldn't be worried about the rest. It won't be that long, after all, that you'll be an adult - and at some point I can imagine you setting the rules for them."

Pan laughed at that, and slipped off as far into the garden as he could believably go while Lyra excused them. The rest of the night, though, seemed somehow brighter for the conversation, and they went further out than they'd usually dared.

But for all they wanted to see, they could only stay out so long before Pan got stuck with the same problem Lyra had during the day, and that was the dragging weight of sleep. Worse, Pan couldn't carry Lyra. So they'd stay out as long as they could manage it safely, and then slip back up to her room.

Then she'd leave the window open just enough for Pan to slip out, and climb exhausted into bed, wondering what it would be like when they were completely grown-up, and could set their own hours without anyone's permission.


End file.
